Fire Cinzia stops at traffic lights, elbow resting on the window with his hand to hold
curls. The light turns green and the horn of the car behind
begins to scream. All the heat is exhausting, even press the button
lift and turn the key in the lock. One wins
interesting is the couch, having jumped on the bed skirt and jacket.
fan at best, with the air jet on the feet, which dates back slowly
legs. Cynthia looks at whether the legs, and he knows that they are beautiful. Piero
often took to pick her and massaging her feet, she poured back
head, smiled and stood in silence to tell him what was the
grateful. Piero laughed when he had the world at his feet, especially
Cinzia.
The chair had cracked in half, ruining the floor of white marble.
corner of the bedroom was a lampshade hanging from the
bedside, with no hat, no bulb. Cynthia was back from school
accompanied by the mother of a classmate, which is already strange
because his mother would not have failed to collect it even with 40 °
fever and not for love, but a lack of trust and friendship. Puzzled
put the folder in the entrance (it is dirty, not
want to lay it on the floor of your bedroom, I've just spent the
wax?) and moved into the bedroom of his parents.
his mother was lying in the dark. As usual he had quarreled with my father and had come
migraine. So Cynthia closed the door quietly and went to rummage in the fridge
something to eat, maybe a few slices of ham, which
knew that 8 years was not the case turning on the gas. At one point,
as he opened the package and took it with my hands a couple of slices of cooked
, joined his mother, who with speed and fury of five beautiful prints
fingers in my face (I told you a thousand times that the do not eat with
the hands). Crying would serve little, so head down and Cinzia
hand on his cheek, took a course in furniture, cutlery and glass and
tugged his arm started to sit down and enjoy his
2 slices of ham, even now if she went hungry.
A few days after classes ended, he had finally arrived in June
afternoon to pass along to the gardens.
Gigi had not been able to visit her that week, because Mom had
housekeeping, and if their friends were playing
everything gets dirty again. But now no longer had to do homework in the afternoon and
mother had her friends to chat on the bench and Cinzia Gigi
and could play football with other children.
Cynthia's mother came into the room and said she would quit shortly thereafter
to go to the gardens. Did not seem real, finally.
Mom opened the white wardrobe, one that ended with the magnet, and
pulled out a blue dress with a border of white lace embroidered
hem.
Cynthia opened her eyes and gasped trying to catch a breath to protest
wire. Meanwhile, Mom had pulled out of the shoe
Paperine blue, with ankle strap. At that point it was pure terror
. Cynthia began to scream and cry and do the devil
four with her mother, who screamed (I spent a lot of money to
buy that dress and shoes, Dad collects them from the tree mica
the money, there's never at home to earn it and you're lucky to have a
dress so beautiful to me your age I had only two dresses sewn by my mother
).
Piero had begun to return home at night and not give her the usual kiss
. A hello and closed the bathroom to take a shower. Meanwhile, Cynthia
Place the cooker and tried to invent something for dinner,
reduced, as always, to wash a little 'salad, cut the tomatoes
and open a can of tuna. The talk of the dinner were
bitter and sarcastic comments about the news from television news. She tried to joke and
to stroke his arm, but he was engrossed in some
mental rumination and absently he brought his glass to his mouth.
The night before had heated discussions about their life together, on
disappointments of life, anger and dissatisfaction Piero
trailing seamlessly. Then they stayed
holding hands.
The last hour had been discovered by a professor of philosophy, which is not
felt well and had returned home. Now adults, they had
dumped. Cynthia and Thomas decided to stop at the bar in front of the school to take
something cool to drink and smoke a few cigarettes
. Cynthia had no desire to go home an hour earlier,
even if they had the chance, would gladly added
few hours of afternoon lessons. He arrived home at the usual time and found
his mother was ironing in the kitchen, nothing that vaguely resembled the
preparing lunch. He left the backpack in the lobby and the colorful
wondered why there was nothing to eat. She did not answer
nervously and sprayed water resting on the shirt ironing board. Try downloading
certain now that there was storm in the air, ready to explode. It
back a bit ', given the tendency of his mother to throw objects at
hand. She said, gnashing of teeth, that if he wanted to eat
had only to go home when she left school, which would have seen
had the time and that she was his slave.
Cinzia protested impatiently and she vomited on a river of words in
full.
You, you're a bitch like your father. You've ruined my life, because
if it was not for you fuck with the groom. He left the house, slamming
me that I had to raise a daughter that I no longer lived
for start back, I do not have a life because I spend my time
behind the house, ironing clothes, making shopping, getting ready to eat
. And you're selfish like that. Unless it abides pregnant with you, with
fuck me I would be married. You've ruined my life.
The spring was back. Finally he was in the garden in the evening, Cynthia
with legs stretched out over those of Piero to tell him the day. There were accomplices
fingers traced imaginary patterns on the skin,
dancing like fireflies in the tall grass. Dell'imbrunire alchemy of colors. It was
abandoned him over the years, lying down slowly in his embrace
, where melt and trust. It was adapted
to feel protected, to cry, to jump in his arms as soon as possible, to remain
whole minutes to look at that face that could describe any
expression, but which could not to tire. While Piero was lost,
Cynthia found herself.
"Look Dad, I do not take it anymore, living with mom is a hell."
"Yes, I know, but what can you do ... and done so"
"Without such a dick, it's hysterical depression"
"You have to bear, when you're self you go on your own. For the moment
do what you just said. "
" Dad, I already own, but it's not that I want at all costs
going to live alone, I'd like to come live with you, maybe ... "
"Do not even think about it. You know that Frank is not would agree,
put them forward with your character and I do not want any trouble because of you.
If you want I can lend you money and hear some of my friends if you have a house to rent
"Cynthia
The house where he found her alone and she and her million and a half month
tried enough to each other. Four years later he met Piero.
"Dear Thomas, I was so glad to receive your mail
after all these years. Sometimes, you know, I think about the holidays of the year
maturity. What was easy then to live all day, never
worry about what would happen next.
certainly did not imagine this future. Nor is it surely wanted. As we
changed by then? Well ... I do not know, I would tell you that's me then there is only a smile
a bit 'tired, very bitter and awareness, which often overlap and
match. In the evening I sit on the balcony with
feet off the railing and look at the houses of the block, peered through open windows
women who wash the dishes after dinner.
I'm tired and drained, after what has happened to me I'm afraid of myself. Both the
know that you have been warned by Marta. She also wanted to know
why, but I did not know how to explain it to her, I can not even do
with you. It is not evil, we know each other a life. And 'I just do not know
describe because it seems so crazy to think about it too
me, do not understand. Piero was gone. He had met this girl, Monica
through one of its customers. At first I did not noticed
over time, then when I realized that he was moving more and more
, I started doing all the wrong things you do in these
occasions. The pressed, check it, I kept him breathing down your neck and
fought constantly. So finally, one day told me that he
no longer loved me and that I should resign myself to live without him.
me did not want to know more. I felt a
put garbage bag outside the door. Lost and scattered, the window of a life that was my
. I was terrified. He, too, had abandoned me. So I
due to go find another place to live. Months passed and I
I was getting worse. At one point I turned to a doctor,
because I did not feel very well. I said I was stressed and depressed
. What do you want it to be, half of Italy is suffering from depression. The other half is
stressed. So just came home to a number. And all
what I was writhing in? That too was normal. I've seen normal
best. One evening, after a nice dinner with some Friends, I
looking out the window. I looked around, there was none.
I looked at the asphalt of the street four floors down and I felt irresistibly attracted
. I began to imagine falling. Fear immobilizes
you take the skin and breath, the scream strangled,
the impact with the asphalt. The flattened face with eyes and turned around
bloodshed. A sudden desire to try the flight
final. I wonder if in that last moment I could hear the bones breaking and
perceive the body as an empty bag and limp.
All this a bit 'terrified me and a little' fascinated me. My mind
already felt so natural and the desire to make that feeling was so
.
So, I have moved from the window. At first I took a few drops of
tranquilizer to relax. Then, when he started doing
effect, I got more drops, and again, and when I finished the bottle
I emptied the medicine cabinet and I swallowed all that was
.
I woke up two days later.
can not tell you anything more, except to tell you the facts. I did it for
Piero? Well, I do not think so or in part. I did it for the lack of support
of my family during childhood, adolescence, etc etc? Boh, too.
Perhaps for fear of not making it more, for fear of
open my eyes every morning to face in the years the same pain,
the same abandon. To never have to deal with the wounds that heal
, you can you put all the good will to rationalize
, but the hole that consumes you do not dispose of each ever, and sooner or later it will resume
suck your blood .
Now I feel better, sure. Not well, better.
I reconciled with the world, for better or for worse. Stories with various
men do not talk, I still miss Peter a lot, but most of all I miss
myself, those pieces that are left on the street regardless, the slow crawl through avenues
autumn. Sometimes it's sweet rocking in
what you were, but not enough to keep going.
Now it's summer and if I close my eyes I can see the fireflies.
I want to see again next year.
I kiss you and hug you, hoping to do soon in person.
Cinzia "
